"These are my New Years Resolutions:
1. I will help the blind across the road.
1. I will help the blind across the road.
2. I will hang my trousers up.
3. I will out the sleeves back on my records.
4. I will not start smoking.
5. I will stop squeezing my spots.
6. I will be kind to the dog.
7. I will help and poor and ignorant.
8. After hearing the disgusting from downstairs last night, I have also vowed never to drink alcohol.
My father got the dog drunk on cherry brandy at the party last night. If the RSPCA hear about it he could get done. Eight days have gone by since ChristmasDay but my mother still hasn't worn the green lurex apron I bought her for Christmas! She will get bathcubes next year.
Just my luck, I've got a spot on my chin for the first day of the New Year!"
Oh, the book is called The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, aged 13 and 3/4.
And it's fxcking good.